Blonde Is A Bad Movie And Should Feel Bad
The new Marilyn Monroe biopic is a well-made film that can burn in hell. Also, here are some other assorted reviews.
I really hated Blonde, and the more I think about it, the less I like it.
In case you didn’t know, Blonde is the new Marilyn Monroe Netflix biopic(?) centered around a committed performance by Ana de Armas and directed by provocative filmmaker Andrew Dominik. It’s showing in select theaters but will be streaming everywhere next week.
Please watch it and form your own opinions, but if you want to know mine a bit early, here it is: This movie is rotten at its core and only builds from there.
I appreciate the artistry and transformative performance from de Armas (who deserves better), but the film itself is based on a fictional biography from Joyce Carol Oates and goes through great pains to show Monroe’s trauma and personifies it as everything wrong in American society.
As someone who enjoys fucked-up movies and bizarre premises, I still can’t abide by Blonde’s hatred of its protagonist and its torture porn-esque treatments of its characters.
There are plenty of nonfiction accounts of Monroe’s abuse and terrible treatment as a budding star, however, this movie is essentially three hours (yes, three hours) of bad things happening to Monroe in sequential order. At one point, you can see the process of an abortion she’s forced to get, and then she goes on to communicate with her aborted baby who’s attempting to guilt trip her for not holding on. It’s gross in all respects, and I’m not sure how most of it was greenlit.
The thing is that it’s not a poorly made movie. Dominik shoots with an exacting eye, and a haunting score (from Nick Cave and Warren Ellis) constantly keeps the audience on its toes, but the inane premise and repulsive ideology are too much to return from.
Maybe the best way to break down Blonde is to compare it to another 2022 biopic that has divided critics. Elvis certainly fell short for me (and felt like it was nine hours long), but I did respect the love that its filmmakers had for its titular star. There was real admiration for Elvis Presley and the trials and tribulations he went through. It showed the lows but also felt like a glowing tribute to the legend. It wasn’t for me, but I can respect the thought behind it.
Monroe gets no such affection. She’s an object in Blonde. A woman who constantly has things happen to her and has no say in anything. It would be one thing to make something resembling the truth, but these are just outright fabrications that are going to stick to her legacy. It’s damaging mythmaking on the largest scale.
It’s a horror movie made by a man about a woman that is horrific.
So … that’s how I feel about Blonde. Not a fan.
A Bunch of Quick Reviews
It’s almost October, which is nuts.
A lot is coming up next month (and quickly) as I already have tickets for Smile, Tár, The Banshees of Inisherin, Women Talking, Armageddon Time and The Whale. With all of that rapidly approaching, let’s take a look back at September—or at least what I watched in September—since it actually ended up being a pretty solid month. Here are a bunch of random small reviews of movies I watched. Or at least that I’ve seen with just a week or so left before October.
Some are new, some are old, and one is Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
My Donkey, My Lover & I (2022): A very sweet comedy that lives up to its title. This is the second French movie I’ve seen in which a woman follows her secret lover on vacation, which is … I’m not totally sure what that means. But it’s something.
Force Majeure (2014): Imagine the most intense episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm played not for laughs but for seat-squirming terror. I very much enjoyed this one and think it’s near perfect.
The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected) (2017): I have a friend (she knows who she is) who despises Ben Stiller. Why exactly? I don’t think even she knows. She should watch this movie though because Stiller, Adam Sandler, Elizabeth Marvel and Dustin Hoffman have created a masterpiece. Maybe the most underrated Noah Baumbach movie. It gets better every time I see it.
Barbarian (2022): Hahahaha. Fuck yes.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975): This movie changed/most likely ruined my life as it twisted my sense of humor into what it is today.
Thief (1981): One of those Michael Mann “guys being dudes” movies that rocks. Sometimes it’s just that simple.
See How They Run (2022): A kinda forgettable but still entertaining whodunnit. Saoirse Ronan has never hit a wrong note in her life though.
Blonde (2022): [see above]
The Woman King (2022): Took me a bit to get into it, but Viola Davis, Lashana Lynch and Thuso Mbedu are truly unbelievable in it. A war epic that looks great and should be seen in a theater.
Speak No Evil (2022): Umm, Jesus Christ…
That’s it for this week. Unless things go horribly wrong (knock on wood), next week is Don’t Worry Darling week, which includes a review of the movie, a round-up of the drama and probably some Harry Styles talk. It’ll be fun. Go movies.