What If They Just Dropped Dune 2?
Give us 'Dune: Part Two.' Give it to us now.
The strike is over.
The good guys (the workers) won and the bad guys (capitalism) lost. This is but a drop in the bucket when it comes to corporations capping greed in order for everyone to comfortably survive—and it took plenty of grit, protesting and signs—but we’ll take what we can get.
Now that the actors are back, we’re about to be hit by a barrage of content. So many celebrities are going to be eating wings while being pelted by questions from Sean Evans. You’re going to wake up and the first thing you’ll see is Bradley Cooper tearing up while devouring hot wings. Turn a corner and there’s Rachel Zegler pounding some chicken. Every second of every day will be chockful of The Last Dab. There may be a chicken wing shortage across this very nation in order to fill up our nation’s stars. The SAG-AFTRA strike has concluded, and chicken slaughterhouses will be racking in the big bucks.
Anyway, congrats to Hot Ones on booking every Oscar hopeful, but this brings up a critical suggestion from yours truly: What if we just dropped Dune 2 now? Like, I know it’s scheduled for March 15, 2024, but we could just not do that. This is a free country after all.
Back before the actors started picketing, there was a little sequel called Dune: Part Two set to release on November 3, 2023. Dune was great. It starred Timothée Chalamet and Zendaya and Jason Mamoa and Oscar Isaac and Rebecca Ferguson and every other actor in the world. You could see it in IMAX (I certainly did) and then discuss the special effects with your friends stating important criticisms like “Wow” and “I don’t know how they did that?” It won six Oscars, was critically acclaimed and gave us fun terms like “desert power.” It was a delightful time and we were all set to do it again just this week. We were about to Dune and now we can’t Dune.
Now the strike is over and we can’t Dune 2 as it was pushed back and we live in hell.
It’s cold. The sun sets at like noon now for some reason. I wake up and do my 9-5 computer stuff—type type typety type—and try my best to focus on a half-dozen Zoom calls a day and then do some other stuff and then go back to sleep and do it again. This could all change if we had another Dune.
Remember when Beyoncé and Taylor Swift released albums with little to no prep time? Couldn’t we just do that for Dune: Part Two? Imagine if Warner Bros. Discovery tweeted out, “Actually, Dune is next week.” How cool would that be? It could heal our divided nation as we’re all begging to see Javier Bardem wearing a cool desert hoodie.
And, it wouldn’t just be the stars from last time. This Dune will give us Florence Pugh as a princess, Christopher Walken as a fella called Emperor Shaddam IV and Austin Butler as a bad guy. Remember when Butler decided that he was going to just have Elvis’s voice forever now? Will he bring that stupid voice with him to the Duneiverse. I need to know now. Not next March.
It would be one thing if there was still work to be done on the movie, but Denis Villeneuve and crew were all set for a November release. It’s ready and they’re just keeping it from us. It’s just sitting there. The following is live footage of me trying to get the next Dune.
The studios have had a rough 2023. There’s no better way to fix it than giving us another Dune earlier than expected. It’s a perfect holiday treat. A great way to bring us all together.
I can’t believe that there’s a Dune in safekeeping. The government should get involved and put this new Dune on the big screen. What’s the point of carrying on if we can’t spend $50 each on a Dune and popcorn and a large fountain drink? This would get the economy stimulated or whatever they say it is that the economy does.
In conclusion, give us Dune and give us Dune now. We need Austin Butler as Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen answering softball questions from Sean Evans on Hot Ones. We need it now. We have the wings. All we need left is the Dune.