Vroom Vroom Pew Pew: The Action Issue
Are action movies good? Sure. Most aren't though. Let's get into it.
Did you know that the above meme is a chalk-drawing replication of a shot from Predator? I didn’t. Probably because I had never seen it until this week.
And, to be honest, reader, Predator didn’t do much for me.
This isn’t the movie’s fault per se, but my own, as I have often had quite a bit of difficulty getting into the entire action genre. In terms of what I thought about Predator, it was fine. I know I’m decades behind the eight-ball on this one, but it had a decent monster, a steroided-up cast and a bunch of one-liners that I’ve seen satirized in plenty of action comedies since its release. The main takeaways I took away from it are that Arnold Schwarzenegger is a very big human being and that you should never trust the government. We knew both of these things already.
It’s been a wonky year for action films coming off of the covid shutdown and the fact that movies have become either Disney blockbusters or small independent joints. The Northman, Robert Eggers’ Viking epic—is easily the best pure action movie I’ve seen this year and yet it did poor numbers at the box office. Nope and Everything Everywhere All at Once certainly have action galore, but they’re more genre plays than anything else.
Honestly, if we’re talking pure, uncut action, I’m shocked to admit that I really enjoyed Ambulance. The movie knew it was dumb as shit but it looked great on the big screen and had a Jake Gyllenhaal performance that was essentially Gyllenhaal snorting cocaine before and during every scene.
I’ve already hammered The Gray Man for an entire post here, but its bland action seems to be the go-to filmmaking style as of late unless an auteur steps in. The 355, Uncharted, Bullet Train and this year’s Marvel fare all seem to be shot in front of the same green screen with flat repartee, quick cuts and shaky cam that can be traced back to the Bourne series’ success.
^this is a real bummer
It’s garbage and a disappointment when a movie like Bullet Train (great premise, terrible execution) does “better” than something grand like The Northman. You have so much money; make something better.
Also, I don’t care at all about the Fast & Furious movies and the Mission: Impossible series. I’ve tried and they leave me cold. The only movie I’ve ever fallen asleep in while in theaters (that I can remember) is Fast Five, so it’s certainly not a critical one for me.
We have a new John Wick coming at some point, which is exciting as it’s so focused on making revelatory action sequences. The plots are to the point and good enough but the movement and fight arrangements from director Chad Stahelski are ingenious. It’s no surprise that Stahelski is a former stuntman. He understands what he’s doing.
Gotta respect Top Gun: Maverick too, which felt like a real throwback to real moviemaking that had some great goddamn action sequences.
If we’re talking action, it would be illegal to skip over Mad Max: Fury Road, which is one of the best movies of the 21st century thus far and a miracle.
I strongly recommend the oral history of its formation and the decades that went into making this phenomenal sequel live up to its predecessors. Every moment has so much care and thought put into it that when you compare it to modern-day action, they almost seem to be different artforms.
For no reason whatsoever (other than to make people mad), here are my favorite action movies from 2000 on. It’s in order in terms of action as opposed to how much I like the movie if that makes sense. I don’t know. I’m trying to keep away from genre mish-mashes. But we’ll see…
Mad Max: Fury Road
Kill Bill Vol. 1
The Dark Knight
John Wick: Chapter 2
Hot Fuzz
Everything Everywhere All at Once
Children of Men
Edge of Tomorrow
The Nice Guys
Casino Royale
If we were doing 11 movies, I think Minority Report would sneak onto the list, but we’re doing 10, so it will not.
I’m sure I missed something here, so please yell if you have anything. Oh, also, I asked this question on Instagram. Here’s what I got in response:
Top Gun: Maverick (2x)
Anything with Eddie Redmayne
The Italian Job
The Lego Movie
Shrek 2 (?)
The Dark Knight
Treasure Planet
Thanks for the help.