The Holdovers Escape Room
I don't know. It's been a long week.
A few weeks ago, something miraculous happened.
A group of Rio de Janeiro filmgoers went to go see “The Holdovers,” the Oscar-nominated and very, very good dramedy starring Paul Giamatti. Pretty simple so far, right? Well, after the screening, the group discovered that they were accidentally locked in their theater.
Apparently, the theater staff had locked the doors from the outside and the newfangled Brazilian “Holdovers” fans (about 40 individuals) were stuck. They couldn’t exit, ultimately had to call the fire department and were rescued after a half-hour or so.
“Locked in the cinema Net Station, in Botafogo,” Marcelo Alonso posted on Instagram. “The staff turned out the lights and locked us in the movie! Absurd! After yelling and calling the fire department, they pulled us out of the movie theater.”
Now that this ordeal is over and everyone seems to be okay, it needs to be said that this is an objectively hilarious thing to happen to a bunch of people after seeing “The Holdovers.” I’ve been in multiplexes seemingly empty after showings but never actually stuck in a theater, even though that is kind of the dream.
There’s something about this all happening after “The Holdovers,” a movie about rejects trying to find a place in society and being left on their lonesome, that makes it even funnier. This is 1000% something that would happen to Giamatti’s character or even Dominic Sessa’s after catching a flick in Boston.
My ultimate dream has always been to own a movie theater, but getting stuck in one and getting to put on a marathon of movies to see would be quite a day for yours truly. Obviously, this group didn’t get the chance to put on their favorites, but they don’t have a newsletter where they can create niche hypotheticals that dozens upon dozens of people read every week.
Thus, I have created my rundown of movies. 24 hours, because I love a nice round number and I have put them in the correct order so as to have the best possible time in the theater. There will be quick bathroom breaks and snacks, of course, but I didn’t add those in here as this is a movie newsletter. Not a scatological or food one. If you need a food one, might I recommend, Cooking for Erica? If you need a scatological one, might I recommend extensive therapy?
So the key to this 24-hour movie marathon is a blend of things I’ve seen before and classics I haven’t gotten around to yet, all on the big screen. In this fictional scenario, we’re in the AMC Lincoln Square IMAX, because why not?
Zodiac — David Fincher (163 min)
The Age of Innocence — Martin Scorsese (139 min)
Raw — Julia Ducournau (99 min)
Lost In Translation — Sofia Coppola (102 min)
North by Northwest — Alfred Hitchcock (136 min)
The Master — Paul Thomas Anderson (137 min)
Playtime — Jacques Tati (115 min)
Lady Bird — Greta Gerwig (94 min)
Mad Max: Fury Road — George Miller (121 min)
Sorcerer — William Friedkin (121 min)
Portrait of a Lady on Fire — Céline Sciamma (120 min)
When Harry Met Sally — Rob Reiner (96 min)
I felt like “When Harry Met Sally would be the perfect capper as it’s a classic, leaves you on a high note and you can exit the theater feeling good. The same cannot be said for Zodiac to start it all off which is a serial killer movie as bleak as it is destructive. I’ve never seen either on the big screen, so this felt like the right move.
The new movies are all on my watchlist and I need to see them sooner rather than later: The Age of Innocence, North by Northwest, Playtime and Sorcerer. It was also crucial that I put a horror movie on there, Julia Ducournau’s deranged cannibal love story Raw. Following that up with Lost in Translation is real sicko behavior, and it’s what the movies are for.
Some of the others like Mad Max: Fury Road, Portrait of a Lady on Fire, The Master and Lady Bird are just classics that I should be able to watch in IMAX whenever I want. That’s that for this week. I was going to write about Argylle, but I’m still mulling over exactly how terrible that movie is. I’ll get back to it soon enough, I’m sure.