"Never Say Never" - The Fray

A review of Splitsville. And Dakota Johnson.

There’s a moment very early on in Michael Angelo Covino’s Splitsville in which I knew we were in good hands.

It features some tomfoolery in a car, an out-of-nowhere action sequence and a near-death experience. Not long after, one of the movie’s main characters has an existential crisis, leading to a breakup, a (very relatable) freakout¹ and a hilarious smash-cut to the opening credits. Somehow, we were only minutes in, and the ostensible rom-com had skyrocketed past my expectations.

I’m far from the first to say this about Splitsville, but if you’re looking for a comedy about the nature of modern-day marriage starring Dakota Johnson, skip Materialists and try this one out for size. It’s constantly surprising and bold (when it comes to both material and filmmaking) in a way that few movies aim to be. I found myself frequently laughing out loud, along with the three(?) other people in the theater.

The basic setup is that two couples are trying to figure things out: One features an affair leading to a potential divorce between Carey and Ashley (Kyle Marvin and Adria Arjona), while the other centers on Paul and Julie (Michael Angelo Covino and Dakota Johnson) attempting to navigate an open relationship. Everyone’s deeply flawed and selfish, and things get even more dire when a second affair begins between the main couples.

That may seem a bit exhausting, and it is. But it’s also overwhelming for the main characters, constantly finding themselves in their own individual hells.

It’s one of the few rom-coms in the last few years that feels like it features real people, despite its exaggerated stakes and cinematic twists and turns. It doesn’t talk down to the audience and actually respects that you went out of your way to watch it.

The other critical point to make is that this rom-com doesn’t look like shit in the way that other movies of its ilk constantly settle for fine. Although it came out over 10 years ago, I think a lot about this Every Frame a Painting film analysis on why so much comedy is boring nowadays.

I wouldn’t say Splitsville has all of Edgar Wright’s flourishes, but it doesn’t just settle for characters in various rooms looking and talking at one another, and it frequently turns compelling character-building moments into gorgeous filmmaking that goes above and beyond.

There’s one sequence in particular, featuring a rotunda of significant others (and then ex-significant others) that feels inspired. It’s something that very easily could’ve been shot in long, meandering sequences and is instead chopped and spliced together with a ridiculous amount of momentum. Edgar Wright would be proud.

There’s also a phenomenal fight sequence, relatively early on in the movie, which keeps going and going and going. Not in a John Wick ballet, but in an over-the-top struggle between two schlubs huffing and puffing. Vulture has rightfully dubbed it “The Fight Sequence of the Year.” And it’s both funny in its own right and critical in terms of identifying who these two men are.²

This may be the highest compliment I can pay to a fight scene: It reminded me of “ronny/lily,” one of the quintessential episodes of Bill Hader’s masterpiece Barry.

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Although I’m more than grateful that anyone reads this newsletter, I’m sometimes surprised to see what resonates. And it was certainly clear that so many of you have zero time for Dakota Johnson. I’ve never received more DMs from people going out of their way to call her a bad actress, and the following Materialists piece is one of my most-read stories ever.

Ultimately, I decided that she’s a case-by-case actor. Someone who has the potential to be great, like in Suspiria and The Lost Daughter, and also terrible, like in Madame Web and Fifty Shades of Grey. She works so well in Splitsville as an enigma/forlorn mother, as does Adria Arjona as an unfulfilled wife and part-time femme fatale.

Unlike so many movies in theaters, this feels wholly original and exciting in a way that few new releases want to be. There’s no intellectual property to call back to, no four-quadrant boxes to satisfy. It’s just four kinda shitty/kinda loveable people trying to make things work, to both beautiful and disastrous ends.

In summation, this is a Greg Gottfried-approved³ great movie with a stellar use of “Never Say Never” by The Fray. Please watch it so the powers that be can keep making good, interesting rom-coms chock-full of Checkov’s fish tanks and dangerous affairs.

1. I could also not handle Adria Arjona wanting to end things with me.

2. NO KNIVES!

3. the highest award in cinema