Movie, B*tch, Get Out The Way

You want a list? No? Well, here's a list.

It’s already April of 2022. Which is certifiably insane. Next week it’ll be June and then the summer will be over and then it’ll be Halloween and then Thanksgiving and then Chrismukkah and then 2023. Time is a flat circle. Yada yada yada. We’ll all be dead soon. Let’s discuss some movies.

Now seems like the last gasp to recommend anything from 2021 that I think you should see. Once we hit Summer Blockbuster SZN, it’ll be as if everything from last year never existed. The internet discourse is usually about seven hours until something new pops up, so, how about we take a break and look back for a moment? These aren’t necessarily my favorite movies from last year (those are here), but they are interesting ones I saw over the calendar year that didn’t get their due.

No Oscar noms allowed here. Let’s get a fresh crop of flicks for the fans. I’ll even let you know where you can watch all of these since I’m such a nice person. Oh, also, I tried to stay away from the movies I am constantly recommending such as Shiva Baby, Inside, Titane, The Green Knight and The French Dispatch. If you haven’t seen any of those, go watch at least one of them now. That’s an order.

Malignant on HBOMax

The image that started off this post is from Malignant. Go scroll up. No, it’s okay. I’ll wait. Yeah … so just from that shot, we know we’re in for a horror movie, but what you may not know is that it’s a goddamn riot. James Wan directed a B-Movie with the budget of a modern-day blockbuster. It’s nuts. This movie has one of my favorite twists in recent memory and is just a constant ante-upper in terms of pure chaos. Malignant knows what it is and what it is is batshit. I respect the hell out of that. It’s not the best movie from 2021, but it is one of the most fun and a great way to spend a night.

C’mon C’mon on Showtime or VOD

This is basically the polar opposite of Malignant. Like if you were to take Malignant and create the inverse, it would be this charming Joaquin Phoenix-led delicate drama about family and the quest for optimism. This Mike Mills movie seemed to get lost in the awards-season shuffle, which is a shame because it features Phoenix’s best work since probably The Master and the sensational performance from kid-actor Woody Norman. Mills’ movies stick with you (20th Century Women, Beginners) and this is no different. The gist is that an uncle takes his nephew on a work event with him after some family problems and the two try to figure each other out while traversing the states. It’s one of a few black-and-white movies from the last year and it may be the one that earns its artistic stripes the most.

Barb & Star Go to Vista Del Mar on Hulu

Don’t let anyone tell you any different. This was the best pure comedy of last year. Nothing compares. I saw a review comparing this to the Muppets but just with humans, and that feels about right. This Kristen Wiig, Annie Mumolo joint is uproarious and bizarre and feels like a candy-coated fever dream. It’s the best Jamie Dornan has ever been and the loaded cast includes Damon Wayans Jr., Vanessa Bayer, Phyllis Smith and plenty more. I’ve seen this one three times now and it makes me laugh consistently. It’s great. You should watch it.

Benedetta on Hulu

I’ve seen this referred to as the “sexy nun” movie, and I guess that’s true, but it’s a bit wonkier than that. This new Paul Verhoeven film is in on the joke from the first second, and you gotta respect the commitment to the bit. The main idea centers on a touched nun that is connected to Jesus and the outcry that stems from her miracle work. I saw this one in theaters and I still don’t know exactly what I think about it, but I’m glad I watched it. Maybe you should try it out.

Stillwater on VOD

I know I’m in the minority here, but I really liked the Matt Damon-led Stillwater. I guess it’s kind of based on the Amanda Knox saga but it’s also a rom-com at points and a fish out of water story and a thriller? It’s a Frankenstein’s monster of a movie, but Damon gives a new type of Damon performance and Camille Cottin is great as his—I don’t know how to describe her character. The two-hour-plus runtime is a bit daunting but the movie is so topsy-turvy and confounding that I think it kind of works to set a mood.

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Let’s discuss the cinematic masterpiece known as The Lighthouse, a maelstrom of claustrophobia, horniness and angst. It’s one of those movies that I love to recommend because it is returned with a what the fuck did I just watch reply every single time. It stars Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe, giving a Hall-of-Fame performance, as two wickies tending to a lighthouse during a storm. It is both incomprehensible and the quintessential story about guys being dudes. It rules, and I asked a few of the people that I (lovingly) forced to watch this for a summary of sorts. Here’s how they described The Lighthouse…

A black and white homoerotic homage to old-time sea lore -Ben

Gay lighthouse foreplay -Jake

I could wax poetic about Willem Dafoe in that movie. Maniacal and bizarrely funny. That’s the first thing that came to mind. -Zoe

What an acid trip probably feels like in a bad way if you have an affinity for the sea -Aly (made her see this opening night with me)

Can’t top that one. See you next week. Go watch The Lighthouse (streaming on Prime Video) and then please report back.