"Everybody Is A Sexy Baby"

This may be the most unhinged thing I've ever done. One movie comp for each song on Taylor Swift's "Midnights."

I’ve worked hard on a lot of posts for this newsletter, but nothing even comes close to this. The amount of time that went into these (mediocre at best) Microsoft Word photoshops and the thought that was required to make these comparisons is ridiculous. Even for me.

Anyway, I had the idea and I couldn’t not do it. I’d like to think that Taylor Swift would be proud of me.

In case you missed the description in the subtitle above, this is what we’re doing: One movie comp for each song off of Midnights (3am Edition). Yes, we’re doing all 20. I know there’s one extra song on the Target version, but I didn’t go to Target to get the album. I’m not insane. I just spent most of my week putting together a Taylor Swift/movie newsletter that’ll satisfy like three people. Super sane stuff.

Oh, also, I tried to be a bit more out there with the films. I’m trying not to repeat myself as much on here. But yes, there are Greta Gerwig, Paul Thomas Anderson and Noah Baumbach movies on here.

It is what it is.

Lavender Haze - Casablanca

I initially planned to find a clubby, grimy movie as this is a dance bop, but the more I think about the song and the title, in particular, it feels like an ode to a honeymoon-style love that you want to live in forever. Also, it’s inspired by Mad Men, so give me an older movie in which people are drinking and yelling. We’ll always have that lavender haze.

Maroon - 45 Years

This is a deeper cut, but 45 Years is a fever dream of a movie about two people celebrating their 45th wedding anniversary. Unfortunately, in the planning, the husband starts to reminisce over a lost love. Things don’t go great from that point on. Unlike “Red,” “Maroon” feels a bit more grown-up and complex. It’s not a love story as much as it is discussing the ordeal of romance.

Anti-Hero - Unforgiven

Just in terms of visuals, “Anti-Hero” feels like an old gunslinger thinking about trying to right their wrongs, which is why Clint Eastwood’s Unforgiven makes perfect sense here. I’m not sure I can see Eastwood explicitly singing “It's me, hi/I'm the problem, it's me,” but he certainly says as much in this Best Picture winner in which he dissects and wrestles with the American cowboy mythology and whether it all was worth it. That’s certainly this song for Swift as she looks back at her relationships and personal failures. This has nothing to do with this movie recap/comp, but this is also the song that has the “sexy baby” lyric. It leads off this entire newsletter and is the songwriter at her most Kubrickian.

Snow On The Beach - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

This was one of the easier ones for me as it just makes so much sense when listening to the song. Even the instrumental version would sound like it could be in a scene of Charlie Kaufman’s twisty rom-com masterpiece. It’s dreamy and confounding at the same time. Also, the optics of odd things happening on a beach are right out of this movie. Maybe it’s too easy, but I don’t see you writing a newsletter on Taylor Swift cinematic parallels, so go to hell.

You’re On Your Own, Kid - Lady Bird

Before I get into the comp, thank you to Taylor Swift for putting a comma where it’s needed. Olivia Wilde could never. Anyway, I can envision this song playing after the final Lady Bird phone call outside of the church. The song’s thesis about how you have to fend for yourself at all times blends perfectly with the Gerwig movie. “Summer went away, still, the yearning stays” could be a line from Lady Bird or “You’re On Your Own, Kid.” And that’s that.

Midnight Rain - Sound of Metal

You should see Sound of Metal by the way. It’s one of the best movies of the last few years and features an unbelievable Riz Ahmed performance. The film which revolves around a drummer losing his sense of hearing and sense of self works perfectly as a parallel to “Midnight Rain” as two people in a relationship change and find themselves wanting different things. There’s a bit of melancholy but also an understanding that this type of thing just happens sometimes.

Question…? - Call Me By Your Name

Let’s just ignore the Armie Hammer of it all—and also that Timothée Chalamet has a new cannibalism movie coming out (interesting timing)—and instead remember this movie for what it is, an in-depth exploration of wanton desire and fear. “Question…” is about a similar relationship that has its cracks and is starting to make the protagonist go insane asking the same things over and over again. You can definitely see Swift crying in front of a fireplace to a Sufjan Stevens song, and if you just got spoiled for CMBYN, it’s too late. Get your shit together.

Vigilante Shit - Promising Young Woman

This is as simple as it gets. “Vigilante Shit” is a feminist anthem seeking revenge as is the Carey Mulligan-starring Promising Young Woman. Both feature looks that can “kill” and are full of anger and exhaustion. If this song came out a few years ago, it would’ve been in this movie in one way or another. No doubt about it.

Bejeweled - Clueless

Going out for a night of debauchery and spite is what this song is about and it also feels like what Cher would do in Clueless to get back at someone. She’s ruthless to a fault and also seemingly always down to hit the town, so this feels like a perfect connection. Cher would also love this song. No question.

Labyrinth - The Big Sick

“Uh-oh, I'm fallin' in love.” That’s Taylor Swift. It’s also any of us if our significant other falls into a coma. That’s what The Big Sick is about and also (in a roundabout way) “Labyrinth.” The frightening but exhilarating rush is palpable in both of these stories.

Karma - The Handmaiden

This is a monkey’s paw of a song, which correlates perfectly with the insane plot of The Handmaiden. Watch it. Taylor Swift doesn’t explicitly say “karma is a bitch,” but it’s there in every verse and chorus. The Handmaiden similarly is about payback and retribution and not letting others bring you down. I wonder if Swift has ever seen it. That would be quite a review, I’m sure.

Sweet Nothing - Before Sunrise

Perhaps my favorite song on the album, it only feels right to have a movie I really love as it’s paired with Before Sunrise. The Ethan Hawke-Julie Delpy love story connects with such a sweet song about gratitude and peace. Both are overwhelmingly happy, and you can imagine the characters in “Sweet Nothing” aimlessly walking around a new city talking about everything and nothing.

Mastermind - Ocean’s 11

“Mastermind” is about how Taylor Swift is a maniacal genius plotting out how she wanted to make one specific person fall in love with her. It’s so diabolical and ingenious that it’s essentially a heist of the heart. Thus, we have Ocean’s 11, a more explicit robbery but similar in scope. Both also have a twist about their love meaning more than all of the silly games. This is a good comp. Nice job, me.

The Great War - Portrait of a Lady on Fire

I would be shocked if Swift hasn’t seen this movie, one of the best romances of the 21st century. At this point, she’d probably star in an American remake. No thanks though. “The Great War” is about a couple’s love surviving the harsh times and the last scene of Portrait shows how even time doesn’t diminish what truly matters. What a movie and what a final sequence.

Bigger Than The Whole Sky - Marriage Story

Maybe the most underrated song on the album pairs perfectly with the beautiful and haunting love story that is Marriage Story. Both Swift and Baumbach use similar themes about losing someone closing to you and thinking about what went wrong. They live in the want to reminisce, and both feature pretty heartbreaking conclusions.

Paris - Moulin Rouge

Yes, both are Parisian-set tales, but there’s also a similarity in energy and vibes. Both utilize “love at first sight” to the nth degree. It’s almost overwhelming and unwieldy. The sound of “Paris” has a Moulin Rouge-esque excess, which ties into the feelings that are swirling around.

High Infidelity - Somewhere

Stephen Dorff’s character of Johnny Marco is an asshole, and if he’s not an asshole he’s just an uncaring doofus. When his daughter (played by Elle Fanning) comes around, he gets a second chance. Sofia Coppola is great at showing how the small moments add up and she never judges her characters but instead shows them how they are. “High Infidelity” is Swift doing a similar character study, in this case about someone who’s either cheating or thinking about cheating or just being a bit unstable. The movie and song go together. Just trust me on this one if you haven’t seen the movie. You should though.

Glitch - Punch-Drunk Love

Punch-Drunk Love (a favorite of mine) is about a relationship that feels so unreal to its protagonist that it starts affecting how he sees the world. “Glitch” is similar as Swift feels there’s something wrong with how much things are working out. Both feature sounds and visuals that are a bit off-putting and out there to try to get you into the character’s heads about how confounded they are with their situations. Both end in a similar (at least so far for Taylor and Joe) manner.

Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve - A Ghost Story

A Ghost Story is about regret and frustration and wanting something back. “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve” is very, very similar. Most likely about her relationship with John Mayer, Swift asks for her “girlhood” back and seems to be infuriated with how she was played. A Ghost Story is about a couple on more stable ground (at least at the beginning) but it similarly shows an individual wishing to go back and try again. Both are heartbreaking and gems in their own right.

Dear Reader - Gone Girl

After this entire album, Swift decides to give the reader some advice. That advice … be wary. Don’t trust until it’s time, and don’t break when others try to bring you down. It’s exactly something that Amy Dunne would say in Gone Girl. It’s also very funny that after so many songs about love, Swift gives a warning and then leaves you hanging. It’s brutal and also hysterical. What a jerk. She’s the best.