A Night With Sydney Sweeney (& The Devil)
I did a horror movie double-feature. There was a fight ... in the theater.
I constantly hear coworkers, friends and people too close to me on the subway bemoaning that the weekend is over and that it’s yet another Monday. Now, friend, I understand being upset: Weekdays are worse than weekend days. That’s simple arithmetic or whatever. But what have they done to us?
It’s just a bummer that most of us go through life waiting for the clock to hit 5 p.m. on Friday to start having fun. I, for one, don’t want to live my life constantly feeling like I’m trudging through quicksand, so I’ve been trying to make as much free time and concoct fun activities to do during the week. Of course, this brings us to what I did on Monday: a horror movie double-feature at AMC 34th Street 14.
Now, you might be saying, “You’re insane. This is insanity,” which is exactly what a friend texted after I revealed my Monday night plans, but what were you doing? Sitting at home watching television? Scrolling on TikTok? Reading??
Books? In this economy? When I can see Sydney Sweeney in a nunsploitation movie? Or a late-night program taken over by the devil? Horror movies first. I feel like I have my priorities in order.
The first order of business was figuring out the schedule. I knew I wanted to check out both Immaculate and Late Night with the Devil, so I had to peruse the AMC app to find both movies playing at the same theater with enough time between the two. The thing about the AMC app is that you can see what seats will be open from theater to theater, so you can be comfortable and not have to worry about some idiot who gets there 12 minutes late to a movie. Lock the doors once Nicole Kidman gets on screen. That's my take.
Anyway, I found showtimes for Immaculate at 6 p.m. and Late Night with the Devil at 7:45. The movies combined are just 175 minutes, which is still a half-hour shorter than Killers of the Flower Moon … which you should also see. Hannah, my sister and fellow horror fan, joined for Immaculate but not Late Night with the Devil, because she’s not really committed to the cause. She picked up a salad and I had a chicken caesar wrap. Because you gotta get some protein before such an athletic endeavor. Let’s get to the movies.
Movie No. 1: Immaculate
Because we live in a decaying society, our showing of this movie began with Hannah and I moving seats because two teens near us couldn’t stop talking. At full volume too. We moved up a row and could still hear them here or there, but at least we didn’t have to shush them anymore. I know I rant about this every week, but you don’t have to go to the movies if you don’t want to watch them. Just stay home and watch this while on your phone in a few weeks.
After the switch-up, we settled into the movie as Sydney Sweeney did anything but. The buxom starlet has become a cultural lightning rod lately because … well, I can’t really figure out why. I think she’s a pretty decent actor that is doing the best with the mediocre material she has had. She’s terrible in Madame Web, but who isn’t? She’s meh in Anyone But You, but that movie did very little for me, so that might just be a me problem. I do think she’s pretty great in the little-seen Reality from 2023.
She’s ultimately hit-or-miss in this Catholic thriller, however, she certainly has her moments and commits to the more ludicrous plot developments. She’s at her best when she’s playing a losing it and exhausted character that’s prone to screaming. She gets to do that a lot in this one as the new convent she joins doesn’t rest when it comes to fucked up stuff.
The movie itself is fine. It’s kind of exactly what you think it’s going to be. It has some good jumpscares, a bunch of funny moments and a bravura chase scene through the catacombs. It’s a solid movie that will be great to watch on HBO at 11 p.m. one day. Also, shoutout to Benedetta Porcaroli who plays the nosy Sister Gwen. Porcaroli was in one of my favorite movies from last year, Amanda, and I couldn’t place the face until checking the names afterward. My apologies.
Intermission
Immaculate ended. Hannah abandoned ship. I made my way to Late Night with the Devil, a tough journey (that included a bathroom break) from theater one to 12. I made it with plenty of time to spare and a trailer or two left to go. Kidman walked onto the screen and we were back once again.
Movie No. 2: Late Night with the Devil
Of the two horror movies, this was the one I was most excited for: A mockumentary that turns into a fake late-night TV episode that just so happens to go awry. I wish the gentleman three seats over was also looking forward to this one instead of starting the movie on his phone at full brightness just scrolling through various apps. When his seatmate quietly asked him to turn it off, he responded with, “Don’t fucking tell me what to do. I do what I want. Cocksucker, fuck yourself.” And then he shone his light in the other guy’s face. So, that was a good start.
He eventually turned his phone off, but not before another half-dozen angry looks, and the two sat there the rest of the movie with an uncomfortable energy that was reminiscent of an elementary school fallout. It was very awkward and goes to show you that people are so goddamn stupid and annoying. Existing out in the world really makes you understand the reason why everything is as dumb as it is.
Outside of this worrying (but hilarious) altercation, the movie itself was pretty damn good. It’s early in the year, but David Dastmalchian gave one of the better performances I’ve seen in 2023 and there are some great twists that keep you on your toes. I like when a horror movie goes for it, and although not everything works, it kept my attention every damn second and prompted the person next to me to say, “That was the weirdest goddamn thing I’ve ever seen.” Hope he tries out Titane next.
My one big problem with this movie is the small but evil use of AI interspersed throughout the movie. There are a few small pieces of artwork that are AI-generated, which is a real bummer for such a thoughtful and intelligent movie. You should always pay real people to do actual work instead of creating interstitials through immoral technology. I hope this isn’t a trend going forward, especially after the WGA and SAG strikes fought tooth-and-nail against AI script and actors. It’s a slap in the face to all of the artists who worked hard on this movie. I hope they change it out when this gets a physical release, or better yet, change it now. A fun movie like this does not deserve to be dragged down by AI.
In Conclusion
Movies are fun. I like it when the devil shows up. But only on screen, not in real life. Stay away, the devil.
The devil is a lie