A (Chaotic) Night At The Theater
Movies are good; people that go to movies are bad.
One of the worst movie theater experiences I’ve ever had was back in June of 2018 when Hereditary came out. The problem wasn’t the movie but one unruly patron that decided to try to ruin the showing for everyone.
Two friends and I ventured down to the Regal Union Square for a late (and sold-out) screening of the new Ari Aster horror film and about 10 minutes in, the woman in the row behind us started talking on her phone. It would be one thing if it was a quiet hey, I’m in a movie response—still annoying but whatever—however she was having a full-on back-and-forth conversation. She was telling whoever was on the other line about her day and how her kids were doing in school and asking full investigative-journalism-styled questions. It would’ve been remarkable if it wasn’t so fucking annoying.
At a certain point, I asked her to be quiet. So did the person next to her. Also a couple a few rows behind her.
She would stop for a second and then get back into the convo.
After a few more people asked her to *politely* shut up, she eventually switched over to Spanish. As if the problem was the language she was speaking.
Eventually, she got taken out of the theater by a Regal employee and there were even a few people clapping.
Now, this isn’t the ideal way to see Hereditary. I don’t think Aster drew it up with an elderly woman talking throughout … but it certainly was memorable.
The reason I’m writing about this is because it’s time that we discuss some insane theater experiences. The theatrical format is back thanks to Tom Cruise and #GentleMinions, and as someone who likes to go to the movies, I’ve seen my fair share of ridiculous things.
I’ve seen empty theaters (except for me), a guy take off his socks and shoes and put his feet up on the railing, someone googling the movie they’re at halfway through the movie, plenty of people talking on their phone/texting, one guy (maybe purposefully) unwrapping candies as loud as possible, someone just start loudly yelling in the front of the theater, another person just laugh nonstop throughout a horror film, someone decide that they should sing along to a song playing on the radio in the film and many, many other offputting things. It’s a staple of going to a movie in New York City and also all of these things are still miles better than a full applause break when a fourth-tier superhero (symbolically) waves to the audience in a Marvel movie.
I asked on Instagram to see if anyone else has some unforgettable moments and this is what I got:
Madison: “1st Marvel movie marathon: drunk guy two rows ahead got arrested. Plastered b4 previews.”
Lauren: “7th grade, Miley Cyrus concert experience in theaters, absolutely trying to out-hype the other tween girls in the theater.”
Jake: “These three guys in my row ate a whole party sub during Inception.”
Honestly, those people with the party sub are my heroes.
Some Quick Notes on Elvis
I know I’m a few weeks late to this one, but I finally saw Baz Luhrmann’s Elvis, which is, umm, certainly a movie of choices.
There’s a lot to respect and even like here: Austin Butler is pretty solid as far as Elvis impersonators go, the directing is on 11 at all times and the film even seems to be in on the joke.
But (and this is a big but), god, Elvis felt like it would never end. Luhrmann is known for maximalism, however, at a certain point, that feels like all the movie has to offer. It becomes a trailer for its own ridiculous, over-the-top ideas.
It’s very well made and I’d prefer this to run-of-the-mill Bohemian Rhapsody-esque biopics, but at a certain point, the movie itself begins to eclipse the subject matter and the content (to be honest) isn’t very compelling. We’ve seen it all before.
You can’t really review this movie without mentioning Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, a biopic parody starring John C. Reilly that’s so scintillating and precise that it’s almost ruined the genre entirely. It shows the farce and segmented nature that these cradle-to-grave stories have to be.
Elvis is worth seeing, but it’s certainly worth seeing only once if you have three hours to kill, if you don’t have epilepsy and if you like watching Tom Hanks make absurd choices.